When I first posted the interview I did with Vincent Chin’s killer, Ronald Ebens, my purpose was to use talking to the killer as my own personal way to commemorate the 30th anniversary. I am a journalist. I wanted to hear from the killer. If I could get him to talk, it could be news.

But the personal motive was the main driver to this story. Back in 1982, I was just a young reporter, working my way through journalism having worked in broadcasting in Boston, Houston, St.Louis, San Francisco, Reno, Dallas, then San Francisco again at KRON-TV (when it was the NBC affiliate). I was as mainstream as it got. I didn’t see myself as an Asian American journalist.

But Vincent Chin changed all that for me.

After 30 years, the killer of Asian American icon Vincent Chin told me in an exclusive interview that the murder known as a hate crime, wasn’t about race, nor does he ever even remember hitting Chin with a baseball bat.

Incredible as that sounds, there is one thing Ronald Ebens is clear about.

Ebens, who was convicted of second degree murder but spent no time in prison for the act, is sorry for the beating death of Vincent Chin on June 19, 1982, in Detroit–even though for many Asian Americans, he can’t say sorry enough.

For years, Ebens has been allowed to live his life quietly as a free man.

With the arrival of the 30th anniversary this month–and after writing about the case for years–I felt the need to hear Ebens express his sorrow with my own ears, so that I could put the case behind me.

So I called him up. And he talked to me.

On the phone, Ebens, a retired auto worker, said killing Chin was “the only wrong thing I ever done in my life.”

Though he received probation and a fine, and never served any time for the murder, Ebens says he’s prayed many times for forgiveness over the years. His contrition sounded genuine over the phone.

“It’s absolutely true, I’m sorry it happened and if there’s any way to undo it, I’d do it,” said Ebens, 72. “Nobody feels good about somebody’s life being taken, okay? You just never get over it. . .Anybody who hurts somebody else, if you’re a human being, you’re sorry, you know.”

Ebens said he’d take back that night if he could “a thousand times,” and that after all these years, he can’t put the memory out of his mind. “Are you kidding? It changed my whole life,” said Ebens. “It’s something you never get rid of. When something like that happens, if you’re any kind of a person at all, you never get over it. Never.”

Ebens’ life has indeed changed. As a consequence of the Chin murder, Ebens said he lost his job, his family, and has scraped by from one low-wage job to the next to make ends meet. Ultimately, he remarried and sought refuge in Nevada, where he’s been retired eight years, owns a home and lives paycheck to paycheck on Social Security. His current living situation makes recovery of any part of the millions of dollars awarded to Chin’s heirs in civil proceedings highly unlikely.

For the rest story: AMOK